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All Deviations


Times move fast in futility...
what do you have to show for your efforts?
Periods of suffering and misused utility,
learning to hear what blind eyes see--
when mine are inside, inside,
I carry them inside.

rivers carry sediments...
sediments—they go, they go,
change plays in short lived strides;
waters ripple, waters flow...
but mine are inside, inside,
I carry them inside.

you wear them pinned to your chest,
displayed in selfish pride.
what do you have to show for your efforts?
When mine are inside, inside,
I carry them inside.

what, to you, are your trinkets?
What power do they hold?
Empty, broken useless,
inside they’re just cold.
Without them you are nothing,
amongst them you will hide.
I don’t want them,
I don’t need them.
‘cause mine are inside, inside,
I carry them inside.
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Submitted: May 14
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Author's Comments

random burst of inspiration... actually it was inspired by a song written by :iconw00t5000:
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Devious Comments

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~the-darkest-pink:iconthe-darkest-pink: May 15, 2008, 12:58:53 AM
This is one of the best poems I've read lately. I love it, especially the symbolism... the water and the sediments:) and the last two lines of every stanza offer musicality, which makes the poem even more pleasant.

I'm impressed:nod:

--
Don't say forever.. "cuz what you thought would always last has passed you by" [nIn] ;)
*Rhisis:iconRhisis: May 15, 2008, 8:36:35 AM
I really like the symbolism you put in. I also like how it sounds so strong, yet beautiful at the same time.

--
Mario Kart Wii FC: 2191-8653-6886
Brawl FC: 4854-7661-2679

Always up for a match
*synchrochick007:iconsynchrochick007: May 15, 2008, 10:33:58 AM
thank you very mcuh! could you specify what symbolism you see, it helps me as a writer to know waht I'm geting through :D

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...and then the words seemed to fly off the page and weave themselves into a beautiful picture...

Behold. the powers of the mighty Beatnik :meditate:
*synchrochick007:iconsynchrochick007: May 15, 2008, 10:34:50 AM
thank you so much! do you see any room for improvement?

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...and then the words seemed to fly off the page and weave themselves into a beautiful picture...

Behold. the powers of the mighty Beatnik :meditate:
~the-darkest-pink:iconthe-darkest-pink: May 15, 2008, 11:31:28 AM
*spends five minutes reading the poem over and over again*

nop. I can't find anything to be improved. I don't say that it's perfect, but everything is fine in this way and if you changed it maybe it wouldn't be as great on the whole:)

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Don't say forever.. "cuz what you thought would always last has passed you by" [nIn] ;)
*synchrochick007:iconsynchrochick007: May 15, 2008, 2:19:24 PM
aww... thank you

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...and then the words seemed to fly off the page and weave themselves into a beautiful picture...

Behold. the powers of the mighty Beatnik :meditate:
*Rhisis:iconRhisis: May 15, 2008, 10:16:02 PM
Pretty much in agreement with the darkest pink, I liked the part with the river, sediments, and water.

And the entire last stanza as a whole. The trinkets. I think that was my favorite part and a good ending.

It's hard to explain how I interpret it (I always have trouble finding the right words). I get it in my mind and understand it, but it's hard to write it down.

--
Mario Kart Wii FC: 2191-8653-6886
Brawl FC: 4854-7661-2679

Always up for a match
~the-darkest-pink:iconthe-darkest-pink: May 15, 2008, 11:17:53 PM
you're welcome :XD:

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Don't say forever.. "cuz what you thought would always last has passed you by" [nIn] ;)
~Duvidoo:iconDuvidoo: May 27, 2008, 10:18:27 AM
Like it a lot. The last stanza is particularly rhythmically powerful and could make a great song